Advice from Dr. Roberta

Maybe you remember me from my “Ask Dr. Roberta” columns that ran in women’s magazines for many years. Feel free to browse the advice that I have given others.

Here are a few emails I’ve received over the years:

Dear Dr. Roberta,
I’m in love with a great guy and he loves me too. I have been seeing him for two months. There’s something that’s bothering me, though. I’ve never been to his house and I’ve never met his mother, who he lives with. He lives close to his job and he always has me drop him off at his office, saying he has work to do. We share everything with each other and the closer we get the more this has me wondering. What should I do?
Dating Dilemma

Dear Dating Dilemma,

You should stop being so trusting and start snooping! Is he married? Does he have a live-in girlfriend? A house full of children? Does he really live with his mother? Get your answers before you get more involved.

Dear Dr. Roberta:
I’m in love with a man who’s fourteen years older than I am. He tells me that he’s no good for me and I should find somebody else. I know that he’s really a good man and he just doesn’t know that he’s worthy. He always puts himself down, and his mother puts him down and insults him, too. I want to build him up and I want to marry him. He insists that he’s not a good person and I should stay away from him. What should I do?
In Love

Dear In Love:

You should listen to him. It’s not your job to change his self-image. He’s telling you the truth about how he feels about himself. It’s very unfortunate, but it’s not your responsibility. Save your interest in rescue work for a job or a pet, and look for a man who’s interested in getting married.

Dear Dr. Roberta:
I’m very nervous about my husband and his new secretary. They talk on the phone during the weekend, and I’m afraid something is going on between them. What should I do?
Wife, New York

Dear Wife: Stop worrying about what is going on between the secretary and your husband and pay attention to what’s going on between you and your husband. Strong marriages can tolerate flirtations and crushes. You need to work on strengthening your relationship with your husband by talking, loving, and demonstrating an interest in your husband’s business, too

For more than thirty-five years I’ve been a psychotherapist and a counselor. I conduct sessions in my office, over the telephone and by email, too. Contact me and we’ll talk about your family, your relationships, your fears, your habits, your work, and anything else that causes you anxiety. Together we’ll figure out how you can have the life you deserve.

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